Why honesty?

I have always taken pride in my honesty.
I think that being able to communicate honestly is impressive. To walk the fine balance of brutality and niceness that is required to be a socially acceptable and likeable citizen is not always easy. Sometimes you have to dress up your true thoughts with a layer of sugar and icing, but the core of the message you send should be the honest truth, right?

Yes -- but before I start sounding too high and mighty and you click to the next blog , I want to make a confession: I have been lying about motherhood since my  daughter was born in 2005.   There are so many aspects of motherhood that I constantly lie about: to family, friends, co-workers..even perfect strangers, that I sometimes forget the truth. Perhaps that is not it...perhaps I know the truth, but it scares me too much to admit it. Well, no more ...I’ve had enough.  No more icing up the harsh, dry truth. My inner voice is yearning to emerge after years of omissions and telling half-truths.

Here we go.....there is NO perfection in motherhood. I am not perfect, my mother is not perfect and my neighbour down the street is not perfect.

If we were perfect, we would not hear that small voice in our heads that seems to cry out for  understanding and a sense of camaraderie. Why does it never come?

Honesty is the only way we can survive motherhood with a shred of our own dignity, compassion and integrity. To look motherhood directly into the eye and admit that we're tired of lying about how we feel. Look there are really wonderful parts about being moms, the hugs, the milestones, the way of reliving your childhood. BUT there are also parts that just plain suck, the loneliness, feeling tethered to your children, not being able to trust the world enough to let your children out of your sight for even a moment , feeling responsible for how your child behaves, not least of all, the GUILT.

Why , oh why do we continue to go to those mom and baby groups where everyone sits smugly and talks about making their own baby food, how they manage to go on date nite when you can't even use the bathroom without your child acting like she's been abandoned?  Why do we torture ourselves like this? Why, because we've been socialized to "suck it up", not to complain and to sacrifice. Well ,  I'm tired of sacrificing...because if I sacrifice it all, what do I have left to give my family? What about me?

Why, oh why can't we be honest...perhaps that is the balm that would heal all of our frustrations. Someone just needs to speak up and say what we've all been feeling.

With this blog I hope to talk about several topics that have frustrated me since becoming a mom.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids very much, but if I were honest, I don't always like them, or the institution of motherhood. THERE I SAID IT, and I'm still alive.

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